omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
