happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
