First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
