i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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