Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
