I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
