I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
