My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
