i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
