dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
