i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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