she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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