I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I pour the whiskey from now on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
