I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
