kristin has been a bad kristin
home. puking in laundry basket.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
