So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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