Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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