Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
