somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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