my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize