did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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