I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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