I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
