cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
