Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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