i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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