you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize