Need sex. Gaining weight.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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