I cockslap morals
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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