yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
