he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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