Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
