you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
