My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
