Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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