After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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