Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
