I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
