already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am naked and annoyed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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