You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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