I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
