Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
