she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
