You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
