worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
