her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize