call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
