Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
