I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
