Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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