My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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