I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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