he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
