My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
