Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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