i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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