Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
