i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
