Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize